I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
