dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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