I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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