I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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