Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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