every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
