I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize