Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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