Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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