i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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