Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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