just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
