College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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