yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize