he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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