your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
