sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
