sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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