Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
