I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
