READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
