Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
okay pat passed out under dana's car
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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