your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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