I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
