I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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