i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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