We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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