they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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