I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How naked do you want me to be?
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