I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
