I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
