Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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