I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
