in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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