2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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