And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
