She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
