he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
