when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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