It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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