Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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