I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
