Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
