The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
