I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
