we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize