Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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