How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
smell my finger.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
