Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
