Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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