just tell him i said nine months
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
