what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
