I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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