i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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