She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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