thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
