I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
