Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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