Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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