So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
