Dual....:-)
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
