What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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