i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MIDGETS
????
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
