You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize