This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
