The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
