id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bring me that man meat
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
