break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
