Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
