A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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