Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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