He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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