I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
