You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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