Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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