Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
