i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
