I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize