for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
