Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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