I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize