I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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