It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize