Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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