Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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