He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
