i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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