you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
