Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
