Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
