I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
