Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
